Like I'm Some Deranged Weirdo
New AP Taylor Swift podcast episode, "mad women" + "The Tortured Poets Department" out now!
“Female Rage: The Musical.” Last week we got into the “musical” side of things in TTPD, and this week we discuss the female rage! From anger to “hysteria,” The Tortured Poets Department gives us plenty to discuss in this topic. Check out our full conversation as we unpack these layers!
🎥 Sneak Peek
Catch excerpts from the podcast and behind-the-scenes content on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram!
🛍️ Shop With Us! Active Discount Codes
As we grow, we are so excited to announce new partnerships! Here you’ll find active discount codes available to our listeners.
📚 Bookshop.org Check out all our book recommendations by episode
🔉Libro.fm Support your local bookstore while listening to great audiobooks
Code: APTS
Offer: Get a free audiobook when you start a new membership (you must use this link!)
Receive 2 audiobook credits for $14.99 USD with your first month of membership.Code: APTS30
Offer: 30% off specific audiobooks in the AP Taylor Swift playlist.
✨ Krowned Krystals Make the whole place shimmer with the best rhinestones
Code: APTS
Offer: 10% off your order when you use the link above
This Week’s Extra Credit - Brought to You by Jenn
I know this summer we are going in deep on TTPD, but I will throw you a bit of a curveball with my topic today - reputation. No, I’m not theorizing about when rep TV will be released. However, as I see other people’s theories, Swifties often pull out the phrase “there will be no explanation, only reputation.” For some reason, I’ve never really pondered that phrase until recently, and it’s actually kind of a wild phrase, especially when we take a female lens. So let’s dig into it a bit!
“There will be no explanation, only reputation”
First of all, technically the original phrase is “there will be no further explanation, only reputation.” In the corners of the internet where I spend my time though, I typically see the phrase without the “further,” but I do think that radically changes the meaning. We will get into that more in a minute!
Second, it isn’t a phrase that exists in isolation, and I think the context matters. If you purchased a physical copy of the reputation album, it came with a prologue that ended with the phrase. You can view the whole prologue here, or zoom in on the image below.
It’s an incredibly eloquent summary of the consequences of being a part of a digital-first world. But I want to pull out two parts particularly.
“When this album comes out, gossip blogs will scour the lyrics for the men they can attribute to each song, as if the inspiration for music is as simple and basic as a paternity test.”
While this is, of course, unique to Taylor’s experience, what I find compelling is the idea that a man must be behind everything a woman does. Of course we all know this is a double standard that doesn’t apply to male artists, but I want to pause and reflect on this a bit more. One of the most successful female artists of our time is communicating her frustration that her work is reduced to “but what man is this about?”
It makes me recall all of the (unfortunately many) times I saw a male boss or colleague take full credit for my work. In those moments, I’m faced with a decision: do I go to my boss or someone higher up (again, almost always a man), and try to defend myself and get credit for my work? Don’t get me wrong, advocating for yourself is so important, but it’s also deeply exhausting. It makes you feel mad both in the sense of anger and also in the sense of “Am I losing my mind? Is this real?”
We think we know someone, but the truth is that we only know the version of them that they have chosen to show us.
It’s pretty generally accepted that people show their highlight reel on social media and keep the mess to themselves. However, I believe that this particular sentence goes even deeper than that, and if you go read the rest of the prologue, you’ll see that Taylor refers to the idea that everyone in your life will never know the exact same version that someone else knows. For example, your lover will never know the same version of you that your mother knows, and vice versa.
That seems obvious, but again, let’s sit with this for a minute. Not only is this saying that everyone you love is only showing you some of themselves, but also that you yourself can only be fully known in fractions through various relationships. You know how complex your internal life is, but how often do you think about the fact that everyone else also has a deeply complex internal life? On the other hand, how often have you been grateful for a friend, lover, or family member who actively chooses to show you a lot of themselves? What an incredible amount of trust that shows!
“No Further Explanation”
So let’s think about all of this together in context now. This phrase exists in a larger work that discusses how incredibly difficult it is to know and truly be known by people and then ends by saying that there will no longer be an explanation, all that remains is reputation. It is also part of a work that discusses the creation of art and interpretation of said art, so why does this seem to resonate with so many people (especially women) who aren’t necessarily constantly creating art?
Like I mentioned above, in the workplace I have encountered many situations where I felt like I had to explain myself or advocate extra hard to get any credit for my own work. Whether it is creative or not, women tend to have to work harder than men to get promotions, raises, and basic credit for their success. If you don’t believe me, I have zero interest in arguing with you, but here’s a 100+ page article that proves this point because I do believe in citing sources. Also, to be clear, the further away you get from being a straight, white man, the more difficult it gets.
Because of that, the idea of no longer explaining yourself is almost a dream come true. Simply drawing a line in the sand and refusing to explain yourself sounds incredibly freeing. In the spirit of “mad women,” this is behavior that is both releasing your own anger and will probably inspire some accusations of being “crazy” all at the same time. But dang, it seems totally worth it.
“Only Reputation”
So if there is no explanation, there is only reputation. Reputation itself is an interesting concept. While you have some control over how you present yourself to the world, your reputation is in many ways out of your control. If someone wants to spread lies about you or extrapolate about you based on only a few things, you can’t really stop them.
If you try to control your reputation, you can drive yourself “mad” as you run around doing damage control. But if you stop and refuse to engage, it is the others who are running around trying to ruin your name while you are now free.
Of course, it’s worth noting that to take this stance you need enough of a safety net and privilege to be ok with losing some credibility or stability. However, perhaps you can still be inspired to be choosier about your battles or pick only a few people whose opinion of you actually matters enough for you to care about it.
Have We Learned Our Lesson?
Probably not. TTPD has many lyrics with a similar message, such as “I'll tell you something about my good name / It's mine alone to disgrace / I don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing.” It’s also interesting that this phrase about reputation is now mostly being used as people try to decode when rep TV will be released. Playing with Taylor’s puzzles is always fun, but the deeper stuff is worth digging into as well. And that’s exactly why we made our podcast!