A time-share down in Destin: A defense for Florida
New episode: "Florida!!!" deep dive out now!
“You can beat the heat, if you beat the charges too.” This week, we’re deep diving “Florida!!!” — perhaps the wildest track on The Tortured Poets Department. In this chaotic, heartfelt, and unfiltered episode, we break down Taylor Swift’s "Florida!!!" line by line—from the millennial whiplash of “my friends all smell like weed or little babies” to hurricane metaphors, fugitive fantasies, and haunted mansions.
🎧 Listen above and ⬇️ scroll below to read Maansi’s defense of Florida.
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📜 This Week’s Extra Credit by Maansi
For non-Floridians, the distant land of Florida can come with a lot of preconceptions. Politics, weather, absurd headlines — there are so many reasons why people may be weary of the Sunshine state. But as a fellow Georgian neighbor who has nothing but fond memories and love for our local paradise, I recognize that for different people, Florida can mean many different things. So I’m here to defend Florida, which to me is the land of sunshine, oranges, and the bluest beaches.
The happiest place on Earth
For many people around the world, Florida = Disney, so let’s start with the fact that Disney felt Florida would be the perfect oasis to build their precious Disney World. I’ve haven’t made it out to LA’s Disneyland yet, but I hear it’s a little strange that Disneyland just sits in the middle of a giant city. By contrast, the city of Orlando is Disney World, aka the happiest place on Earth.
Walt Disney wanted an immersive experience for his theme park which means he needed a lot of land — a blank canvas that could transform into and become his vision. Florida also offered accessibility by being easy to travel to for people on the East coast (which was home to 70% of the country’s population around the building of the park), as well as to people in Europe. Additionally, Florida offered wonderful, warm and sunny climate year round. Lastly, it helped that the mostly swamp and marshlands were cheap!
Disney’s decision to build Disney World in Florida cemented Florida’s reputation as a family-friendly destination around the world.
Florida beaches
For so many, Florida = Miami & the Keys. Understandably, people are really passionate about their beaches — it’s the nostalgia, the memories associated with being carefree and happy. But not all beaches are created equal and some are objectively better.
I, unfortunately, didn’t grow up going to beaches. We only made it out to one or two trips around Florida and the Carolinas during my high school years. But as an adult, I have been fortunate enough to experience Hawaiian beaches, California beaches (NorCal & SoCal), Caribbean beaches, Mexican beaches, East coast Atlantic beaches, even Mediterranean beaches, and of course Florida beaches. I’m just going to go ahead and put it out there that Florida beaches are the best of all the main land American beaches and on par with the most luxurious beaches worldwide. Miami, the Florida Keys, and the Gulf coast beaches are incredible for a few reasons. The bluest water, perfectly spherical, velvety sand, and the warmest, brightest sun. I will caveat this claim by expressing that I have not been to the Maldives, Bali, or Seychelles. If you would like to sponsor me (for research of course), I am willing to spend some time pressure-testing my claims.
Florida man - why?
Many people associate Florida with the infamous “Florida Man” meme. The words “Florida man” have been associated with some of the most absurd headlines and there are so many of these headlines that people around the country often ask why are their so many insane men in Florida? From the outside looking in, it can certainly feel that Florida is home to all of the country’s kookiest people. Turns out it’s likely that we hear more about Florida men & women because of Florida’s Public Records Law, one of the most expansive public record laws in the country, which makes it really easy for journalists to access criminal records that make for exciting click-baity headlines.
Of course, Florida’s population is also incredibly diverse because its tax laws and climate attract people (like the speakers in Taylor’s song) from all over the country and around the world, which means it’s important to remember that “Florida Man” also represents a wide variety of people, from many walks of life. We simply can’t paint what it means to be “Floridian” with a broad brush precisely because it is such a melting pot within a melting pot.
The perfect escape
At the end of the day, the song “Florida!!!” is all about a place that the speakers can escape to. Chaotic and dynamic as it is, it is the place they escape to because Florida is just that — the perfect place to escape to.
 | A guest post by
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