All I do is try, try, try: "mirrorball" as a reflection of the Eldest Daughter
Our deep dive episode on "mirrorball" is out and we're exploring the song as a metaphor for eldest daughters in today's extra credit
“I’ll show you every version of yourself tonight” In this episode, we delve into Taylor Swift's song 'mirrorball' from Folklore, exploring its themes of identity, reflection, and the performance of femininity. We discuss the significance of the mirror ball as an object that always shows a reflection. We also touch on the song's structure, the emotional nature of the lyrics, and the implications of the 'hush' in the chorus. It’s a loaded episode that takes us to the societal pressures on women to perform and ultimately leads us to ask the question, “are we all mirrorballs?”
🎧 Listen above and ⬇️ scroll below to read Jodi’s extra credit about the two sides of the “mirrorball” metaphor.
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📜 This Week’s Extra Credit by Jodi
“I want you to know, I’m a mirrorball, I’ll show you every version of yourself tonight.”
Like the infinite reflections of light dancing off a mirrorball at a disco, the more I explore the metaphor of a mirrorball, the more symbolism and reflection I see in the song. There’s the perspective of the “you,” the audience, and who we are “out on the floor, shimmering beautiful” because of the presence of the mirrorball. And then there’s the mirrorball itself, and what it means to be “shining just for you.” So let’s take a little personal reflection (pun intended) time to look deeper at both perspectives.
I’ll show you every version of yourself tonight: Who we are thanks to the mirrorball
After being laid off from my job a few months ago, I’m currently exploring “every version of [myself],” mainly who I am outside the identity of a full-time corporate job. And nothing brings out those versions of myself like the arts—music, dance, theater, painting—the arts are my mirrorball. This mirrors (sorry, there are a lot of puns to be had today!). the song’s mirrorball, likely a performer who will “get you out on the floor.” While I’ve always been artistic and creative, like many type-A overachievers once I graduated, my focus became climbing the Corporate Ladder. I was going to say I immediately jumped into 40-hour workweeks, but the reality is my first job was more like 80-hour weeks as I worked in film production. Yes, I was in a creative industry, and yet I had no time for creativity. That continued until I went to business school, where paradoxically, despite getting a degree focused on career, I finally gave myself time to be creative again, singing with the Rock Band, writing, producing, and performing in our Follies show, and even picking up painting again.
But my identity was Corporate Barbie, not Creative Barbie. I took my tap classes and watercolor lessons to wind down and disconnect at the end of a busy day, not to tap into my creative outlet. Until, that is, a few months ago when suddenly my identity was no longer Corporate Barbie. After years of tying my purpose and identity to a full-time job, “they called off the circus, burned the disco down,” and now, who was I?
Luckily, I had creative pursuits to tap into, and now I have time to explore them. The arts became the mirrorball I needed to see who I am at my core. I always saw music as a way to reflect my many emotions and feelings and experiences as they ebbed and flowed, but now I have artistic pursuits that I create to help me explore more sides of myself. I spend hours painting and drawing, looking at the world from different angles, seeing new colors and examining the negative space that gives an object its shape. I start my days writing morning pages, letting my thoughts flow out of my head and onto the page. At dance classes I tap into (quite literally) letting movement and motion and musicality express my joy and frustration and excitement. I’m exploring every version of myself in new ways, thanks to the mirrorball.
“Spinning in my highest heels, love shining just for you”
And then, there’s what it’s like to be the mirrorball. Being an artist is one way of being a mirrorball—shining for others, helping them see themselves. But artists aren’t the only ones performing. Sometimes, the role of the mirrorball is assigned to us, whether we chose it or not. And few roles reflect that more than being the eldest daughter.
Hi, my name is Jodi, and I’m the Eldest Daughter. In fact, I’m the Eldest Daughter of an Eldest Daughter, who is also the Eldest Daughter of an Eldest Daughter. I am a third-generation Eldest Daughter, which should tell you everything you need to know about me!
While “Eldest Daughter Syndrome” may feel like just a TikTok trend, birth order has always been known to play a part in personality development and family dynamics. Eldest Daughters often feel pressure to be a second parent, a role model, and a high achiever. To do this, they (ok, we) learn to self-edit based on the situation we’re in, “I can change everything about me to fit in.” Unfortunately, a lifetime of perfectionism means that “when no one is around…you’ll find me on my tallest tiptoes,” because showing up for others before we show up for ourselves becomes an ingrained part of our identity. Whether at home, or yes, as Corporate Barbie at work, we (am I using “we” and not “I” to avoid having to talk about my own burdens of a lifetime of perfectionist tendencies? Possibly) feel the need to be first, best, and perfect at everything, from school to home to hobbies to workplaces.
It’s not just oldest daughters that become mirrorballs, however. As we discuss in our Feminist Theory episode, this is emblematic of the female experience and the role women have played in society for centuries. Women literally carry the burden of producing life, and for many we never let go of the pressure to support others, even without actually becoming mothers ourselves. Living in a patriarchal society sadly often means prioritizing others before ourselves, fracturing our own identities and constantly working to meet someone else’s expectations for us, “all I do is try, try, try.”
“Because I’m a mirrorball”
If the mirrorball exists to show us who we are, but the mirrorball never gets to be itself in the pursuit of showing up for others, should mirrorballs exist? Art as a mirrorball is essential—music, dance, and storytelling help us see new versions of ourselves. But when the mirrorball is a person—when we ask someone to exist solely to reflect us—what are we asking them to give up? The difference is choice: a painting doesn’t suffer for its reflection, but people do. If we are the mirrorballs for others in our lives, the question becomes how can we stop spinning for others, and find our own mirrorballs for ourselves?
For me, getting off (or being pushed off?) my own tightrope has forced me to explore my own identity, purpose, and meaning. When there was no corporate ladder to climb, “they sent home the horses, and the rodeo clowns,” I got to make a choice: do I want to find another tightrope act to perform in, or do I want to take the time to see who I am without a tightrope? Perhaps there is another circus for me in the future. But for now, instead of trying everything to fit in, I’m trying to feel what it’s like to take the highest heels off and stop spinning.
 | A guest post by
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I'm so excited to listen to your deep dive on "Mirrorball"! This has been a favorite of mine for a while, but I never considered it from an elder child's perspective. Perhaps that's why I like it.
I recently wrote about "The Prophecy" and the theme of unmet desires and wrestling to understand why. I would love it if you read my post. Thanks!