To stay, tolerate it, or go?
Episode 5, Show & Tell on Toxic Relationships, out now!
“You know when it’s time to go” listen to the next episode of AP Taylor Swift!
This week is a show & tell episode, which means we’re bringing in three new songs that best represent our theme of the week — toxic relationships.
A huge and sincere thank you to everyone who listened, rated, and reviewed our first few episodes! We are overwhelmed and overjoyed by the response, and we appreciate your love and support.
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And, if you’re looking to get a little more extra credit…keep reading for a closer look at the making of this episode!
This Week’s Extra Credit - Brought to You by Maansi
In Episode 5, we tackle a theme that has been woven into literature in art for as long as the art itself, toxic relationships. Toxic relationships can come in so many different forms, so we felt it was important to attempt to define what a toxic relationship even is at the beginning of the episode. You can tell from our songs, that we all brought slightly different interpretations to the episode (which is what I absolutely love about these show & tell episodes).
When I thought about the topic of “toxic relationships,” my mind immediately jumped to “tolerate it,” which has always felt like this one-sided, sad relationship, in which two parties were trapped and couldn’t quite figure out how to escape. Maybe it’s because this song describes a situation that we have read about so many times in literature; or maybe because we saw this kind of a relationship play out in older generations; but this song packs a real punch for me.
In terms of preparing for this episode, I spent a lot of time with the music and the lyrics. The sound of the song is soft and steady. I’m not a musical expert but I tried to pay attention to how the music changes throughout the song. For example, the song opens with the speaker listing out her observations, what she watches and what she sees. During this stanza, Taylor’s voice is lower and the last word of each line seems to end on a note that leaves the listener slightly unsatisfied.
I sit and watch you reading with your head low I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes closed I sit and watch you I notice everything you do or don't do You're so much older and wiser, and I
The music shifts when her words shift to describing how she expresses her love through actions in the chorus - in the chorus, her voice is higher-pitched and the melody feels almost ethereal. The lyrics and composition of this song had me thinking a lot about the tone and emotion she is trying to convey. I was pleased to find the emotions she conveys through the words and the music are just as complex as they may be for a person in that situation. At times I hear someone defeated, but then I also hear someone fighting for a chance, I hear love and passion, and I hear pleading. It never ceases to amazing me how much emotion can be conveyed through words and music and analyzing this song certainly confirmed that. In the end, I didn’t have too much to say other than it’s an incredible piece of music.
Unpacking “tolerate it” revealed many layers - on the podcast, we talk about feminism, the concept of agency, how roles have evolved over time, how the speaker may be “enlightened,” why it’s so easy to feel the exact emotion Taylor is trying to communicate. The literary references we came up with for this song definitely go on and on so be sure to check out our reading list if you want to go deeper with this theme.
The thing that was most striking to me about our conversation in this episode was that what constitutes a toxic relationship can change depending on the context. Jenn kicked off our discussion with “Stay, stay, stay,” which is a seemingly light-hearted song. But she effectively argues that under a different context, those lyrics could be quite dark and hint at a toxic relationship.
Jodi chose to share “it’s time to go,” where she successfully points out that toxic relationships are not always romantic—work relationships, familial relationships can be toxic as well. I appreciate that we get to explore all these different facets of toxic relationships in Taylor’s music - in a way there’s something there for everyone and every kind of relationship.
We talk about how this breadth could be one of the secrets behind why her music resonates with so many people at different phases of life. Personally, I would not be surprised if this were intentional. In literature, often authors choose to focus on certain aspects of human nature to better understand the human condition. Taylor likes a challenge and also tends to push her self to consider different kinds of emotions and situations. In playing with this very universal theme from many different angles, she is able to tap into more universal themes that all humans can relate to. The nuance with which she explores relationships invites all of us in and makes her music more accessible, but also puts her amongst the ranks of the great literary minds before her.
Thanks for doing the extra credit with us today (don’t worry, we don’t grade on a curve!)